Christmas is a time of Joy?

Once again Christmas is nearly upon us. Seems to come faster each year and I never seem to be prepared when it arrives. It has been a challenging year and quite frankly I will be glad to start a new year with new goals and new hopes and dreams for our future. The Christmas spirit has been somewhat ellusive for me this year. I am trying to get in the mood listening to holiday music and shopping....
We have moved to 126 Kilkare Road in Sunol...away from the farm and into the city lights and sounds that keep me awake at night. Thank goodness for Tylenol PM and Ativan!
I am still hoping that one day we will once again have our own home. Hopefully it will be on the front property where our barns and livestock are on Sheridan Road. At our age it is difficult to start over and try to save money for a home. I tell people that I will work until I die and that may not be far from the truth! Lowell is such a hard working man. He keeps things pristine at the school and in working order. Everyone loves him there and I think he is happy in his work and associations. I am happy for him.
We are excited to be able to spend Christmas twice this year. Once here in Sunol with Jason, Nicki, Tessa and Hudson, and Cindi at Grandma Hoxie's house, and then again in Utah with Erin and Megan's families. I miss my Utah kids and grandkids. It feels like a piece of me is missing.
We have a skype account and can see and talk to Megan and Allie on the computer now. Allie can't understand why she just can't go to grandma's house, distance is irrelavent at age 3. I just need to get one for Erin's computer next!!
Sunday was our Christmas program and it was wonderful. The choir and bells were fantastic, the narration and the talk by Brother McLeod on the four gifts was just what I needed to hear. Isn't it funny how that happens? His words rang in my ears and in my heart as if he were talking just to me.
So at this Christmas time when we think of gifts, both the giving and the recieving of gifts, remember the gifts that our Heavenly Father has given to us, on this earth, at this very moment in time, for they are the gifts that will bring us the most joy. May we all feel that joy that fills our hearts with love for Him who has come into this world and given His life for us so that we might live with Him again one day. Truly Jesus is the reason for this joyful season. Merry Christmas everyone!

For every thing there is a season.....

So much has happened since my last post...Megan, Allan and Allie are in Utah now and I miss them terribly. Nicki and Jason have a new son, Hudson weighing in at 7lbs 11oz. Tessa is a big Sister! She delights in telling everyone very enthusiasticly, and with huge eyes, that Hudson came out of her mommy's tummy! She is doing a great job adjusting to sharing mom with her new brother. No small task for a two, nearly three, year old. I think Hudson looks quite a bit like Jason did when he was a newborn.
Since Megan left the school, a new Director has been hired to run the preschool and childcare. Her name is Angeli and she is a nice person. I think, however, that she was not given all of the information needed to come into the program understanding what her responsibilities would entail. She is learning and adapting to the new position despite the lack of training from the administration at the school. Amanda and I try to help her as much as possible without seeming to take over. It is difficult to transition for all of us to go from Megan's smooth program to a new Director with new ideas and rules and seeming temporary disorder. Some of the parents are complaining and voicing concern about the changes.
Things are still difficult for me as far as my job goes. Still in conflict with the superintendent and another teacher on campus. Still waiting for things to happen with the union representatives and the school district. Still facing unbearable stress and harrassment issues. But hey, I have a job and a paycheck and I love the children. In time I hope things will work out.
Our family garden is producing an over abundance of tomatos, zuccini, bell peppers and did I mention tomatos! Amanda and I picked 5 buckets of tomatos and other veggies and took them to the neighbors today. They were very happy to get the fresh, organic produce....especially since it was free. I have been enjoying tomato sandwiches for the last several weeks and just eating them fresh off of the vine. I love them like that, warm from the sun and so sweet and yummy!
We need to figure out what to plant for the next season of our garden. Brother Salmon is the authority on that so I will be consulting his expertise. He is such a wealth of information and Skip is so helpful too. They are really terrific friends.
We continue to be blessed by great friends and family who help to buoy us up and help us to grow when we need that important support. Besides, it is just really nice to feel the love of so many in our lives. Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers.

Changes in the Air- my gripe and whine column

Well, where do I begin? Too many issues at work to write detailed acconts about. Suffice it to say that we work in a hostile work environment. The "boss" loves to micro-manage everyone and everything. We are all labeled as "subordinates" as employees. Parents who may have valid complaints are told "If you don't like it here (at Sunol Glen) you can leave. I have a waiting list to fill your child's vacancy." Staff who complain are threatened and forced to resign. I really wish she (the boss) would just move on quickly and let us rebuild all that has been lost at our little school. Even so, it will be too late for many. Our Pre school and child care programs are being systematically destroyed. We have been moved out of the building to portables in the back again, lost the use of our recently remodled office space, told that we have no assigned space for before and after school child care and will be sharing space "somewhere" on campus. All of our furniture, supplies, records (confidential included) are in the public auditorium in storage. Our confidential file drawer locks were even drilled out and the contents removed. Time cards have been altered and hours worked go unpaid ( a labor board issue). We have been discriminated against and refused the opportunity to rent space for the summer at our school, while another group (religious in orientation) was allowed rented space, custodial services, etc. "Someone" called in a complaint against us for trying to accomodate the few families, who could not find care elswhere, with child care. That is another interesting story. Our hours have been cut, schedules changed and changed yet again. Megan, the Director of both programs, has been directed by the "boss" to support all managerial decisions even when she can prove that the decisions made are detrimental to the families we serve and the programs Megan has worked so hard to develop. As a result Megan is resigning and moving to Utah. Amanda is looking for a job elsewhere, since her treatment at Sunol has been less than equitable. Promises were made to her to move her into the correct position and pay scale when she completed her credentialing....and then denied. She is doing the work of the pre school teacher and being compensated as a child care worker. Equity? I think not. We were all forced to take vacation days and then unemployed for the remainder of the summer. Positions changed from 12 month to 10 month employees and less hours for the Fall. That hits the pocket book and our retirement in the long run. All retaliatory actions for disagreeing with the "boss".
And me, well who wants to hire a 55 year old woman, so I am pretty stuck with where I am.
My biggest loss is that Megan, Allan and my precious Allie are moving to Utah. The hope is that they will be able to buy a home for less money there and find jobs quickly. I don't know what I will do without them near by. I am struggling with the emotions of loss and depression. The fear of another grandchild forgetting us and the closeness we once had. Miles and finances make it nearly impossible for us to keep those bonds alive and strong. Knowing who I am in a picture is not the same as knowing who I am or how much I love them. I will sorely miss them.
We too, will be facing housing issues at some point soon. The house we are renting (grandma Pearson's house) may not be available for us to live in if the new owner sells his other home that he is living in. Economic trials are forcing the sale of his home to eliminate paying two mortgages. We are trying to figure out a way to put a home on the property near our barns. However the property belongs to Lowell's mom and it is difficult to get a loan for a house that is on property you don't own. No collateral for the lender.
Yes, I know that my problems are small and insignificant compared to the trials of others but I still can't help feeling the burden weigh upon my shoulders at times. I guess this is one of those times in my life when I wish I could just set it all aside.
I have so much to be greatful for even so. I have a wonderful supportive husband, a terrific family, children who have grown up strong and faithful, grandchildren who hold special places in my heart, the gospel and all associated blessings in my life. I really have no right to complain, yet I find it difficult to remain silent.
Erin I think you would call this a pity party! Okay, I'm done now.

Gratitude for blessings

Easter always makes me think of the wonderful blessings that are ours through the Atonement, crucifixion, and Resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. What beautiful promises for life eternal in exchange for our obedience and dedication to His commandments. A simple request. It also makes me realize that no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I can never really repay Him for the pains that I have personally caused Him to suffer for my sins. It is difficult for my mortal mind to comprehend the unconditional love that Heavenly Father and Jesus has for each of us. I am so greatful for the blessings I receive each day.

It also causes me to ponder the great blessing of prayer and how answers to complicated problems and situations come pouring down from Heaven when we are in times of need. The Lord truly hears and answers prayers, especially the prayers of little children and of mothers. I don't mean to take anything away from men by this comment, I just feel such a connection as a mother to Heavenly Father through prayer.

With Colby's recent surgery I find that there is always a prayer in my heart for his healing, for his comfort, for his family's comfort and for understanding and acceptance. I know that prayers are being answered for Colby. It is so cute to hear Tessa and Allie spontaneously want to pray for Colby- such innocense and faith in young children. I know that their little "pleas" for his well being are being heard and answered.

Erin reports that Colby is improving daily from the infection that has invaded his little body and that the doctors are getting his blood pressure under control during this hospital stay. I am so greatful for the miracles that happen in our lives that testify of divine interventions. What a blessing to have the Gospel knowledge that has been restored to us in this day to rely upon.

Wishes and prayers

I can not express how difficult it is to know that one of your children is struggling and not be able to do anything to help them. Even more difficult than this is to know that a grandchild is carrying a difficult burden and that you can't help them, or make the burden any lighter. My heart aches and tears fall as I struggle to find my own faith and trust in Heavenly Father's plan for Colby and his family. I wish somehow that I could take his place... yet I know that this is not possible and even if it were it would serve no purpose in God's plan. So I do what any mother/grandmother does- I pray constantly for strength for myself and for my grandson, his mom, dad and sisters, and other family members. I am so greatful to know that there is a plan for each of us and that even though we can not fully understand in this lifetime that everything that happens has a purpose and is part of a grand design.
I pray that Colby might be able to regain his ability to speak and communicate the things of his heart. I know that he is a special and valiant spirit and that he has important work to do. His eyes are full of love and wisdom. I know that if he could tell us what he knows we could better understand why this has happened. I have my own thoughts about it which make sense to me and give me some small comfort.
I am so amazed at Erin's ability to face each new day, each new challenge, with such calm and seemingly unwaivering strength. I know it is difficult to find the positive things in days filled with one challenge after another. I also believe that Erin is a special spirit and that she will be blessed for her willingness to accept the trials before her. Erin, if you are reading this, please know how much I love you! Also, never forget how much your Heavenly Father loves you- You are never alone. John, you too are a special spirit chosen to give strength and comfort to your family. I know that you too face challenges and trials because of what has happened to Colby. Hold on to your faith, trust in the Lord, build your eternal family and bless them through covenants only you can make. I love you too!
Sending love and prayers daily-